We'rea beautiful angry bunch. You should see the pictures of my mom when she was younger. My sister is her exactly, except she replaced the wide Fung nose with the thin Rodriguez. My sister is, plain and simple, gorgeous. She always has been and anyone who thinks otherwise is a pure hater and a certified, professional liar. She's always kept me up. Since I was 5 and she was 14, she's been working to buy me clothes, shoes and books. When she wasn't around, I had the great pleasure of plundering through her clothes. I promise, anything she had, I wore it once to school & put it back before she noticed. Whenever clothes went missing in the house, someone would yell Maaaagggggiiiiee!!! from whereever they got upset and I would have to mentally run through the list of what I had " borrowed". My brother, too. Whatever phase that was when I was wear T-Shirts far too big for me, everything Rocawear was also mine.
My family is terrible at showing affection. Every time I would see my sister, I'd have to force a hug on her. "I'm not a hugger," she told me, semi pushing back. I know she's not, cuz I never was. But... I realized that when you know what it feels like to have never hugged someone and never to be able to, it hurts more than anything. I never really hugged my brother. Not for just anything. Our family barely took pictures together. My mom just found one two weeks ago. The truth is, my family had been separated at a crucial time in our lives. We've gone through a lot together, individually. It'd be a lot easier if we knew each other's stories... but when your siblings didn't grow up like you grew up, you're practically strangers. Still, family is family. & we're a small one: My mom, myself, my sister, and my brother who passed in 06, but that doesn't make him any less part of my unit.
I know what it feels like to be without love. I'd had a boyfriend since I was 14. My first went to South Carolina for a summer and ended up in prison for breaking and entering. Not sure what's up with him, but I know I wasn't #BoutThatLife. After him, I chased everyone's crush from around the way and fell in love with him for a whole summer. He was too much older than me. So much so he wouldn't tell me his age or allow me to tell him mine. I was 15 & he'd been out of highschool a while. Still, we both knew there was something fascinating about a 15-year-old girl who could hold a grown man's attention. I rarely speak to him anymore, but his best friend, Leo, is one of my adopted big brothers --I call him my Fly School Teacher. Leo's not the only one who took me under his wing. I've got cousins and random guys from random places who have a level of respect for me I've never quite understood. Guys have always noticed I'm smart. To make matters better, I played point guard any opportunity I could and refused to listen to anything but Jay-Z. I was my brother's little sister. "No one's been more brainwashed than this one," my sister once told Nick while were listening to music to pick for their wedding. It's not that, it's that I was a little boy. I grew up with my brother. It's why my music taste leans toward gangsta and I know how to behave around men --men raised me.