Written by President ELLA
We all have lists of what we want in a relationship and in a partner, don’t we? Even if you haven’t consciously figured it out and written down your list just yet, we all have preferences — and we’re allowed to. I have the right to choose tall dark and handsome, or… not. But one thing I think we all want, is to be loved. We all want to be desired and I’ve learned that even though I want to feel like my man “loves me more”, I need to love him just as much.
“I want someone to take me out and buy me food and text me good morning,” says every girl. Well, surprise! Men want those things, too. As much as we’ve fought for equality, I think that women want the right to act like men and don’t necessarily want our “men” to act like “women”. I pretty sure if my boyfriend asked for flowers, I’d give him a face. When I ask for a back massage, he asks for a massage everywhere else. Imagine someone came to you and said, ‘I’m independent and everything, but eventually, I’m gonna need you to take care of me and however many children I want to have? Wouldn’t you be choosy in dating? Wouldn’t you want to get everything you want, as well? I explained this to a homegirl after my recent break up *rolls eye* He finally told me how much pressure it is for a guy to date someone a woman who's “ready”. We gotta be patient, ladies.
It’s important to evaluate your situation and determine what’s fair for you. If a back massage can only be traded for a back massage, you need to make that clear, but keep in mind, just because you want a back massage doesn’t mean the there person does. They might want a foot massage ;) I think we all make agreements and trades in our personal relationships whether romantic or platonic; we expect different things from different people. We also give different parts of ourselves to different people. It’s important to understand what your partner needs and to let your partner know what you need. Like any other partnership or job, the way to be most efficient in any project, task or team is for everyone involved to be aware of their individual roles & responsibilities. Even in a household, chores are given out according to what’s available. Not everyone can wash the dishes, someone has to take out the garbage. So if I like flowers and he likes sex… guess what happens when my flowers die? [these are the kind of games I play lol *shrugs*]
We have to love each other as much as each other needs to be loved.
[Wrote this as a reminder to myself. I really just share my learnings and try to take my own advice. Just what was one my mind… just what I was feeling at the time.]