Written by President ELLA
From the outside looking in, it can seem like you’re always in a bad mood & that no matter if you were given the sun, moon and the stars, you’d still be unhappy. Unfortunately, if it seems that way, it might just be true. What people forget to think about though is the fact that you may never be satisfied by the sun, moor or stars, if what you desire is mountains and waterfalls. If you’re not happy, you have to take a step back and reevaluate — for yourself— what is is that is making you upset and take charge to change that energy.
What are you missing? After spending way too much time and arguments at my boyfriends house, I’ve decided that I simply can’t be there anymore. I “wake up on the wrong side of the bed” when I wake up in a place that has nothing of what I need. I mean… he doesn’t drink coffee, flat iron his hair or wear make up. There’s very little that I can borrow from him, even if I were the type of girl to borrow clothes. Things are important, even if we don’t want them to be. I get really irritated the other day because I couldn’t find my toothbrush.
If you work hard for the things you have, it’s really frustrating to be without, or to be told you can’t have something. My boyfriend is (still) not a fan of buying me flowers. I really wish he were the type to send me flowers to work, but I guess he’d also have to have the budget for it. For that reason, I don’t need at work flowers, but I would love $5-$10 flowers from the bodega and maybe even a bottle of cheap champagne on the weekend. [Here is where he gets upset.] He does those things for me on occasion, but not as often as I want them — but who’s fault is that? Is it really his job to get me flowers and champagne ever week? Or is it mine? In this day & age of equality, it’s rally hard to figure what someone else is “supposed” to do for me.
I’ve learned to stop waiting on anyone to give me the things I can easily get for myself. If I want flowers, I go out and get myself flowers. If I want champagne, I go out and buy myself champagne. If I’m stressed out after work and I need a drink I get myself a drink. I’m trying to make sure that the solution to my problems is me, not another person. It’s common to try to hang out with people to get yourself in a “better” mood, but you’ve got to be careful bringing your own negative vibes around. It’s tough to hang out with someone who is down & out unless they are actively trying to be happy. It’s a lot of pressure to put on any friend to make them be the solution to your unhappiness. Hanging out with a depressed person is… depressing. Hanging out with a person who needs attention but doesn’t give is draining. If you have to come into someone’s world and always make them happy, always be the strong one… eventually it’s going to become overwhelming for you. Even a strong person wants someone to be able to rely on, even if only sometimes or in private.
Figure out what you need and want and get that for yourself!! If the solution to your problems is always you, you’ll have nothing to worry about. I’m DONE being stressed out by the things other people are doing in and to my life. I’ve had to take control! I’ve had to stop spending so many nights at my boyfriends house, no matter how much I want to see him. It’s not only the missing toothbrush that upsets me, but I can’t sing a song out loud comfortably, because we’re not in my space. I think it’s important that you keep as much space as you need to, even if it’s tough. I think we’re still going through arguments about who should visit who when, but I definitely feel happier when I wake up. I’m not sure what he could do (beside pay my rent) to make me not feel sick when my rent deducts and I’ve only spent 2 mights in my house that month. If you work hard for something, like I work for my apartment, you have the right to utilize it. Even when you’re in a relationship, what’s your can still be yours.
It’s taken (and takes) a ton of trust on our parts to admit the things that upset us, and find solutions. One of the most embarrassing reasons I get update is that I’m financial tight. If I feel like I can’t enjoy myself the way I would like to this weekend, you can expect me to have an attitude. Lost of relationships suffer due to finances, and I think it is simply wise to address it. I tell my friends when my bank accounts aren’t playing right and I have to stay home; they’ve offered to stay in with me! I love my girlfriends for that. When I show up and I’m “hangry”, I just try to say it out loud do that no one speaks to me for a little bit. We have to find solutions! If one person doesn’t want to find a solution, the other person has a right to. Sometimes, the solution to your problem isn’t going to make everyone happy. If a situation isn’t going well… if a relationship is more rocky than it is happy… if you feel like you’re not being loved or appreciated… you have to find that elsewhere. This applies in friendship, relationships, jobs & hobbies.
I went to Philly this weekend and purposely met up with Alex so that I could steal her amazing vibes. I’ve been watching how wonderfully she’s been blossoming with SHE and I just wanted to share space with her. I think that sharing conversation with inspired, motivated people will in turn, inspire you as well. Surround yourself with the people and things that put a smile on your face. Go places whre feel wanted, appreciated, joyous and at peace. IF you want to get out of a bad mood, you have to might have to fight your way out.
Good luck xoxoxoxoxo