Written by ELLA
I have the habit of saying I do what I want... But it's true. I often feel ungrateful for getting a job on top of my dream job... Then, I go and mess it all up with rap star dreams.
I am blessed to [semi-illegally] work for two of the biggest American department stores doing things I never imagined. I work for HBC Digital, managing the daily operations of the Saks.com and SaksOff5th.com websites. I try my best to make sure that the fashion editors, copywriters and designers have everything they need for the sites' weekly refreshes. I act as liason between parties --encouraging and improving communication, workflow and processes. I love my 9:15(ish) to 6(ish) because I have to prove myself everyday. I also love my job because I have a boss who allows me to do my job; I am not baby sat nor monitored, simply expected to do my job (whatever that means by whatever means that takes).
On some evenings and most weekends, I sell denim at Bloomingdales. I don't necessarily need the extra money, but an extra paycheck is motivating. My mother's job at the bridel shop is coming to an end and I really need to get my savings account in a good place (they say you should have 3 months of expenses saved, just in case). I also need a new couch and I've never been to Europe. I enjoy working the floor because it takes a different kind of brain power and allows me to be active. Sitting at a desk is very different from working the sales floor and, honestly, I can't tell you what I like more. I do get to wear better shoes at my desk, though.
When I can find a producer I like, who also has the time, I'm a rapper. I sing to make myself happy but my art is a release of stress and tension and rhyming does that better for me. My verses are meaner than even I realize. Sometimes, I play my own shit & smile to myself. "Are you embarressed?" I've been asked... but it's not that. It's that I don't need anyone's support. I rarely tweet my links to random people and ask them to listen --although I might when this project I'm working on is through. I want to make sure that my art comes from the heart, for the art. That's why I minored in writing & some people still call me a poet... I've always had a love for the written word but I wanted to be in control of what I created. I hate being told what to do and, even worse, what to write. That's why I work two jobs. Fuck your $5 or $10... I'd rather sell an extra pair or jeans and make that off commission than force people to support me or be forced to do anything for anyone. I want everything to be as natural as possible. I majored in advertising and work in fashion --I hate all gimmicks.
For a living, I work my ass off. I rarely rest. It's taken a lot of heartache and pain for me to value time. I lost my big brother at 18... So I know that life can be shorter than we expect. I've watched my mother work two jobs her whole life --meanwhile her name is Francia and she's never seen France. For a living, I simply try. I almost flunked out of college when I partied an entire semester away (5 F's and an A in creative writing, definitely earned with an essay about being caught smoking weed that I finished writing as the head of school was in my dorm room on the phone with my mom & my sister was packing up her car to drive to Baltimore and pick me up). I know what I love and I've learned to accept it. I've also learned that the only thing that gets you anywhere are gratitude, appreciation and hard work. So I never stop working. I'm too young for that. I've got to earn early retirement.
I don't know if my boss knows I work two jobs. I don't know if my boss knows I'm a rapper. I know that he knows I'm a hard worker and that I'll be in around 9:30a. He knows I'm keen, well spoken, intelligent, intuitive, honest and self motivated.
I love both my jobs, so I do them both very well. While I don't want to work for someone my whole life, I find value in being able to. A good leader also knows how to follow orders. A true leader earns his/her own way and doesn't search for handouts. I'm not looking for unearned promotions or a shitty record deal.
Oh yea... And I work on this here blog, when I have the time... It takes a lot more time to syndicate and promote this blog than I thought, but I'm always so proud of the girls when I check in on what they're doing, regardless of if they write about it. I love that they too are hard working, motivating an inspiring women in pursuit of their respective dreams. Like the other writers on this site, sometimes, I don't have time. Sometimes, I'm caught up at work, or bonding with family, or walking my dog, or breaking up with my boyfriend. Sometimes, life is happening. Sometimes, I need to do nothing at all and get a minute to breathe. All the time, I just want to be real. I want to be honest. I want to show how much work fabulous really takes. We should know that smiles are actually painful. Success will cost you. But, if it's something you love, you'll find the way --there is no other way. I love to write. I love to be myself. I love to do what I wanna do.
For a living I am myself...
For a living, I smile...
For a living, I focus on my goals and how to earn them.
For a living I pray in my own way, as often ask can.
For a living, I take everybody's money.
For a living, I'm a hustler.