Do you Believe in Destiny?

       I have no qualms against mediocre shit, it provides something for me to be measured against.  The only concern arises is when mediocre is the best it gets. "What do you do?" is the question I'm asked most; if I can't sing a song to answer the question, I usually respond, "I write." If it has anything to do with words, I does that. Not only that, I do it beyond how I'm expected to. Better than that, I never cease to be myself. The way most people end up being mediocre is when they compare themselves against a standard: Most of the time you end up being a bad replica of something that already exists & no one really  likes a copy. We need more original shit. Humans are each unique individuals; If I know anything for sure, it's that you were meant to be you.

If you're afraid to do something, you should probably go for it. " Everyone has this label for me," she'd said. My cousin, Pamela, and I rarely get together, but when we do, we're what life is about. "If someone's not doing something, it's because they don't want to, so we have to figure out what the real issue is," I had told my mom. Over the past couple of months, I've met many folks who want to tell me how to run my business and how to work with my partners. "I've got it," is the only way I can respond. You see, if I want to grant the ladies I work with "freedom" as contributors of this magazine, then I need freedom to be the "editor" by my definition. It takes people such a long time to believe that we do "JustWhatWeWannaDo" and that writers will actually contribute without a chain and whip. Truth is, not only do I not want to check in on anyone, but I shouldn't have to. Grown folk will do what they want to do when they want to do it. Not only will they do it, but they'll do it fabulously.

For any given situation, you can do one of three things: Fail, meet the standard, or exceed expectations. People will do anything depending on how much they really want the end goal. I firmly believe that the more you love something, the better you do. The real issue with the world is that expectations are so mediocre. No one expects you to be good at anything; more than anything, we're expected to fail. Impressing folks is difficult. "What impresses you, Sir?" I asked as we made our way through the nearest exit. You see, I've found myself fortunate enough to be in the company of folks as real as (and sometimes realer than) myself. I can't be trusted to avoid my emotions. 

  I never know what people want from me or if I should even care. My current dilemma lies in doing "what I wanna do" and providing a positive role model for young women. Sometimes I feel so restricted, and I know it's me restricting myself. We went to a mixtape release/showcase last night and watched a bunch of people rock the mic to their own accord. Quite frankly, I've seen very few do it the way EastbrookFamilia does it (even though I hate to watch myself). & I'm also still always a bit iffy when I rep EBF (no offense) cuz I'm not even from there. But... I think my art is of better quality than most, and I prefer to be associated with others I feel the same about. So goes the age-old question: If your friend sucked at something, would you tell them the truth or encourage them to keep going? "Brooklyn shows too much love," the homie had said, I just hope that never refers to me.

         Just keep improving and progressing. "Do you believe things are supposed to end up a certain way," she'd asked me. I have this vision in my head about how my life is supposed to turn out. I don't know what will happen in the middle. I don't know the exact footsteps to get there, but we can agree there is a path. The most difficult thing for people to do is to understand that between A and Z lie 24 other letters. If you have a goal in your head, think of the most ideal method of getting there --There. That is your path. You know what you should do to get there, so any variation is really on you. Sometimes, we look at our options and think, "no one would do that," so we don't try either --not knowing that it's our opportunity to do something new, to be great. Whether you're thinking of your career or of your love life, the most ideal situation is... ideal. So why wold you do anything else? Perhaps it's fear of failing that holds us back, when it's actually that exact fear that makes us fail. Maybe we're afraid of "looking dumb" but what is "dumb" really? They probably looked at Pythagoras like a lunatic when he said the Earth was round.  But if you truly believe in something, you dedicate your life to it. For a destiny to manifest itself, you must have faith in it.

I do a lot of things I'm afraid to do. If you encounter me in public, especially during a performance, I'm a lot more shy than even I expect myself to be. It's mostly because I'm never ready, but I fight my fear. The fear always exists, I just make sure I always win. The real way to win in life --and get the destiny promised to you --is the win the battles of daily life. Remember, in any given situation, you can do one of three things: Fail, meet the standard, or exceed expectations. In any given situation. This can go for how you dress. This can go for how well you do on an assignment. This can go for the impression you leave on your loved ones. This is why I'm kinder to people than they are to me. It's why I embrace strangers. It's why people confuse me for a naive little girl when I touch the stage because I prefer to smile and be happy than to threaten you with hidden artillery or entice you by swaying my hips. I know sex sells. I don't know if I'm sexy. I know gangsta shit rocks, but real gangstas don't speak about their realities for show --dummies do.  "Dear brothers and sisters, don't be childish in your understanding of these things. Be innocent as babies when it comes to evil but be maturing in understanding matters of this kind (Corinthians 14:20)." 

Yes, I believe in destiny.  I believe we control it, though. I believe it begins to happen as soon as you realize that whatever you want to be later, you must be now. Once you decide who you will be, it's your duty to get there. If you decide not to take those steps, that becomes a dream and you're destined to whichever path you chose instead. I am a Queen. Before the ball, Cinderella didn't have it easy and she was scrubbing those same floors when Mr. Charming came around with her slipper. They called Belle odd (in song, and in unison) for walking though the town with her face in a book. Snow White only found her Prince as her savior from assassination. Maybe that's overboard. Maybe those are just fairy tales. But real Queens make it through wars you've never heard of, using methods you'd have never thought to employ. No princess ever got her prince by saying "Fuck that nigga." No superstar made it by sitting in the crowd. If it sounds like the most naive, idealist move to make, it's probably the right one. I'm not saying it'll be easy. I'm not saying you won't have to watch out for those aiming to take advantage. I do encourage you to pray to whatever you believe in. Worst case scenario, pray to yourself. But you will need faith & an unwavering loyalty to whatever you love.

So... *toast* to the impossible. Meet you there <3

ELLA.