Written by @PresidentElla

When you're fighting a winning battle, you rarely feel the scratches through the blows. While I was with Timothy, and while I waited for our day in court, I tried the hardest I've ever tried to be strong. The same way I tried to ignore the bruising around my neck, I tried to ignore the anti-social emotional train wreck I had become.

Written by PresidentELLA

I'm afraid of not being afraid enough. I'm the type of person who confronts battles alone and face first. I would be the type of leader who would walk the front lines with with army and raise my sword when it's time to attack. Sometimes, I think I'm too strong for my own good.

Written by President Ella

"Yea, you're definitely rapping tonight," CJ said looking at the flier. I was set to hit the stage at Apache Cafe in Atlanta, Geiorgia and I genuinely had no idea what it would be like. It was my first time in Georgia and I was actually there for "Friendsgiving" at CJ's but I try to  (selfishly) make the most out of situations. Before I hit the stage, I rarely have much to say, I just want to do it -- and that is my greatest blessing. When I perform or make music, I do it because I want to -- that's my greatest curse. There's nothing pushing me other than the feeling of being up on that stage. I don't care if it's a full room or one person; I'll perform for you until we get tired of me.

Written by PresidentELLA

I don't think he has a girlfriend. Or children. But he could be lying, right? They've lied before. Or... maybe he hasn't told me because I haven't asked... it's even more disgusting when they think they've saved some grace for admitting they're cheaters... they've done that before, too. I once had a "friend" who told me to "ride it until the wheels fall off" and that's some of the worst advise I've gotten. If you see that a tire  on your car is low, you fill it up with air immediately; you don't ride on it until it falls off. I'm trying to address all problems head on, even if it hurts feelings... and even if the feelings hurt are mine.  

Written by PresidentELLA

I saw Jesus last night; I was walking up Courtlandt at about 11:30 at night when he poked his head out of his cardboard house and watched me walk by with this wide hungry, eyes. I looked down at my shoes -- the patent leather on the Gamma 11s looks fly even and especially at night time -- and silently apologized. "What if that was God?" I asked myself, to which I self-replied, "it was." If the bible is right, God is everyone and if God is everyone, then I am God, too. I had to tell myself/God, that I am afraid: I am afraid that when I help my neighbor, he'll either take my help for-granted and never  learn to feed themselves, or take advantage of my kindness and hurt me in return. I apologized to God and promised to have faith he would keep me safe and understand my decision not to give the homeless man money.  Instead, I'll find other ways to help feed my less-fortunate neighbors. Instead, I want to give them something they can't use to buy drugs. Instead, I kept my hand on the switchblade I keep in my purse. 

Written by PresidentELLA

"You think you're better than everyone," they often say.

"No... But you obviously think I think I'm better than everyone. Why is that?" is always my reply.

The worst part about being around mediocre people is that, mediocrity is all they bring to your table. I'm an alpha female and that only scares a man off when he realizes I can't make him a better man, he should have already been one. When it comes to female friends, we typically have a better time when men aren't around -- as soon as a guy they like pulls up or their best friend asks to follow me on social media, the vibe changes. Leaving any relationship on "good terms" is the most difficult thing I've done. "It didn't work out," for a reason and while you try to acknowledge that it was God's plan, it's difficult to ignore the reasons why it didn't work out. It's also always hard to see your own flaws... so I'll start with mine. 

Written by PresidentELLA

I woke up shaking. There was a pillow under my head and the dog was looking down on me from above on the bed. "What happened," was the first thought, but "where is he" was the next. I don't think I can tell you who my alleged abuser is since they haven't found him yet. He won't come around either. I tried to get him to admit what he did to me over text but he denied it all. That hurts... 

Written by President ELLA 

        "He's a good look," she explained. "You'd look so cute together and he could teach you so many things..." I guess I know I'm making the right moves in life when my potential other only fits the cut when he can teach me things. The even better part about the conversation was having it with someone who was taking me into consideration. "Inconsiderate" is what I started calling my ex far too often as I've begun to realize that the most beautiful blessings life gives you aren't those which you are promised, but those which you have earned. So everything I do now is more natural than I've ever done it before... even writing this. Writing this is beneficial to me, even it nothing comes directly out of it. Sometimes, what you're looking for in life is just a feeling: Passion. Sometimes you want to let go and not have to think about your next step -- but that's one of the most frightening notions in the world, to me. Still... the only way for love it exist if for us to believe in it. So when I have the chance to love, I do it with all my might. What is life without love? Love without passion.

Written by President Ella        

         I had an AMAZING time at the Legacy Concert Series... and I know exactly why - I was ready. Things have been moving so rapidly lately that I've had no choice but to step up tot he plate and swing. I'm just embarking on a point in my life where I really don't have much time for much of anything.  Truthfully, I'd been focused on helping Lizzy Chanel promote the Rock the Stage show but when Famuss hit me in the DM to an invitation to bless the mic... well, you already know I never turn that down. Problem is, I'm trying to juggle blessings and I've got take what I can, while I can. I reverted to an old set because my DJ couldn't make it and, frankly, I was disappointed. I don't think anything compares to the passion an artists feels when they present new material. But... I've been trying to remind myself to value the work that I've put in. While I don't want to continue to perform the same routine - practice makes perfect and I think I gave the Hunt Point Theatre what they were looking for. I've been performing in NYC for over 3 years now...I've performed for full rooms and empty ones. I've been working and that is why I'm so comfortable on stages now. I'm being invited instead of having to search "open mic" anywhere they'll let me type it in... I deserve this. I've finally arrived to be great and so when I take the stage, I arrive with my own rendition of my favorite Kanye statement: This is what you've been waiting for ain't it? This is what that people paid paper for dammit. 

Written by @PresidentElla

  If you don't believe in me now, watch when I get rich. I'm gonna have you in the basement like a chopa," a maid, I told her. My mom has the best sense of humor because only the most vulgar shit makes her crack a smile.  My household was the epitome of "tough love", run by a single mother and my older brother, we shared plenty love and little emotion. My brother, who is 11 years my senior, was nicknamed "Jest" because he would make a joke of anything, as can I. But just like him, when I mean business, I mean it from  top to bottom, open to close. When I enter a room, I enter it with a smile, like my brother used to. What I've also learned is that when I'm pissed off, it's pasted on my face just like it used to be on his. For that reason, I try to keep as calm as possible -- I can't hide my emotions. I try my best to be numb as I can so that I'm not taken out of my zone every time things don't go as expected. I'm a product of the people who raised me. My mother is a hard worker with a calm demeanor, my bother was joker with a mean temper and my sister is pretty and smart with a bad attitude (who also had drawers full of everything I wanted behind the door to her room which had a DO NOT ENTER sign drawn on it in permanent marker). This is who I am -- bred from a species of independent animals who will bite you head off. That's why I am making (and will continue to make) strides in both the corporate world and the music industry. If you have not noticed, yes, I swim very well with sharks and if you watch me, you can learn how. 

Written by ELLA

         I get really bored, really fast. While I enjoy stability (mostly financial), I just don't think my life is supposed to be so... boring. Working this 9-5, I'm already as predictable as I can be. But after you live in New York City for a while, you realize that the hottest parties are on Thursday nights. Therefore, Friday is a weekend -- whether my job agrees or not. But here's the thing: My job doesn't agree, and they certainly don't have to. So, at what point do I take my life into my hands and decide what a real schedule is? What is realistic? Somethings are only good for but so long -- careers, relationships, friendships. And as what point does one decide to move on, and try something new? 

Written by @PresidentElla

On my birthday, I got an angry IG post subliminally dedicated to me by a female who has my phone number but no courage to dial. On Easter morning, I was called a bitch by a woman who should've invited me to church. I've never gone through the "ex" drama... But I find it amazing when people don't see why they were left right where they are. It confuses me when grown people hold onto other human beings who don't want to be with them. I'll admit: I chased once before. I was barely 21 and I've learned. What does it take to get to make a woman get "over" what she used to (sort of) have? 

Written by ELLA

I have the habit of saying I do what I want... But it's true. I often feel ungrateful for getting a job on top of my dream job... Then, I go and mess it all up with rap star dreams.

I am blessed to [semi-illegally] work for two of the biggest American department stores doing things I never imagined. I work for HBC Digital, managing the daily operations of the Saks.com and SaksOff5th.com websites. I try my best to make sure that the fashion editors, copywriters and designers have everything they need for the sites' weekly refreshes. I act as liason between parties --encouraging and improving communication, workflow and processes. I love my 9:15(ish) to 6(ish) because I have to prove myself everyday. I also love my job because I have a boss who allows me to do my job; I am not baby sat nor monitored, simply expected to do my job (whatever that means by whatever means that takes).

Written by ELLA

 It's four years after college graduation, and I'm finally doing what I love to do -- for fairly decent pay. I don't know how long I'll be satisfied, but I'm finally in the place to make the right moves. I'm not just talking about the paycheck, but I finally qualify for the Masters program I've been looking at for four years (they require three years as a manager in the fashion industry, and not in retail sales). I started my new job on June 30th, and I haven't been this happy since I started working for Calvin Klein in 2010.