I’m officially in the 10th year of my professional career, so I’m not here to play games. I’m trying to tread carefully, but prove myself at the same time. For the first time in forever, I’m working with a group of people who only care about one thing: get the job done. As I finished off my first round of meet & greets, I can tell they all have personality — that’s the best and worst part of my job. As a project manager, my job is make sure things get done. With that said, people have to trust and like me. I’ve gotten used to this fact, so as I start this new job, i want to make sure they respect me; I want them to know that who I am, is a great person all-around. Not only am I someone you can grab coffee with, but someone you can depend on to meet the deadline.

As a woman or color, I honestly feel the “Olivia Pope Pressure” in which I have to be twice as good as everyone else; my excellence isn’t celebrated, rather expected 🙇🏽‍♀️ If I don’t assimilate fast enough, I will be pushed out. In addition, it feels somehow easier to treat me like an assistant or secretary. While my co-worker might not care about doing menial or grunt work, I can only put up with so much for so long. I need to feel like I’m growing or excelling in my career and like there are opportunities for my growth. I know “black don’t crack”  but I prefer not to be considered based on my appearance or age. I’ve been at my current job for 5 years now and I was passed over twice. I’ve had enough 😤

How long should you stay at your job? How long do you stay loyal? That opinion seems to shift through generations, industries, genders and location. As we hit milestones in our lives, it inevitable to start think “what’s next” before it actually gets here. But how do you know if the grass is greener on the other side? What are you really looking for? The money? The title? It’s funny how these can play into your professional and romantic life. What next? How do I know? I feel like I’m being forced to determine the rest of my life right now.

I got so stressed out at work I started reading The 48 Laws of Power. For the 4th time in my career, I feel like I’ve been looked over and not recognized. As I continue taking steps up the corporate ladder, I only hope the politics don’t pull me down. “Who you know here matters more than what you know,” is something the Director of HR told us in a leadership seminar. How can I stay motivated, while feeling like my merit will never be rewarded?

Written by President ELLA

From the outside looking in, it can seem like you’re always in a bad mood and like no matter if you were given the sun, moon and the stars, you’d still be unhappy. Unfortunately, if it seems that way, it might just be true. What people forget to think about though is the fact that you may never be satisfied by the sun, moor or stars, if what you desire is mountains and waterfalls. If you’re not happy, you have to take a step back and reevaluate — for yourself— what is is that is making you upset and take charge to change that energy.

Written by President ELLA

We all have lists of what we want in a relationship and in a partner, don’t we? Even if you haven’t consciously figured it out and written down your list just yet, we all have preferences — and we’re allowed to. I have the right to choose tall dark and handsome, or… not. But one thing I think we all want, is to be loved. We all want to be desired and I’ve learned that even though I want to feel like my man “loves me more”, I need to love him just as much. 

Written by President ELLA

I've spent the last year trying to find peace. Since I don’t want to give up on possibilities, I’ve found myself redefining things like “happiness”, “success”, “love” and “friendship”. I’m constantly weighing what the world says these things looks like vs what I believe they are vs what I have. It’s real easy to search for #relationshipgoals or #friendshipgoals and come out depressed.

Written by PresidentELLA

Nothing has kept me sane in the past year like traveling. At this age (if you don’t know how old I am, you won’t know), life has started to feel a bit... stalled, as if I need a next step and I don't know what it is. Complacency is not my comfort zone. I don’t have any children & sometimes that makes me feel unaccomplished or just... missing something... but then I remember I also don’t own a home to put the kid in or a husband to have one with so I’m ok with waiting on the kid. It’s easy to look up at the things people have and only see the good things while ignoring the difficulties, so I try not to.

Written by PresidentELLA

I'm not perfect because I'm petty. "Petty" is uncapping the syrup bottle and doing pirouettes in the kitchen because he thinks he can get get rid of you easy and you think to yourself, "Nah, playboy. Dealing with me is a sticky situation." I don't know if the syrup was worse than the egging but I do know that he should have never done whatever it was he did (because you know I already forgot what it was). Really... I was just angry... at everything. I was largely at fault. I know I love him most because he's treated me with respect through it all. (& I apologized, y'all. I'll give you some tricks, someday. lol) I finally found someone who loves me more than I love him. It sounds terrible to say/write but I've loved way too hard and I deserve it back for a change. I don't mean to say I don't or won't  love him as much as he loves me, but I'm broken and I know it. I need affection more than the average. I need someone who loves me enough to deal with the residual bullshit these fuck-boys have left me with and help me heal. I need someone to show me better.

Written by Brittany Shawnté

Now this isn’t me trying to preach to y’all or anything, but it was a message that stuck with me. In that moment, I realized just how much I relate to her. We all can, religious or not, because we often let the circumstances of our lives blind us. Particularly, we can let our rejection and losses tear us up, forgetting that the story doesn’t end here and that we are built to WIN. In a lot of cases, we become bitter because our lives aren’t where we think they should be.

Written by PresidentELLA

"You have anger issues," he likes to tell me. But.. No, I'm just not happy as I should be.

 I don't know if it's over. As of this minute, it is, but you know how arguments go. Thing is, I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me. I suppose I'm at that point where I'm letting a dog roam. He'll soon learn that I'm off limits once he's walked out of my door because I don't take in strays. He's gotten upset at me before, for being able to get so cold and cut off my love. But, after my last "relationship" I've learned that no relationship matters enough to lose my happiness. The person I'm with should be making a conscious effort to make my day great because I try to do that for him.  I want a real relationship where I'm actively happy. Not one where I'm so unhappy but staying silent and locking myself in a room because I can't be around people or on social media without mentioning how shitty I feel in my relationship.

PresidentElla's Thoughts:

I'm definitely clingy. I know this because he just told me I am about an hour ago. Until just now, I've been trying to fight admitting the fact that I want to be all up under my guy as much as possible... but enough of the denial. There have always been particular labels I think a woman tries to avoid in her life: bitch, hoe, prude, crazy, dumb and (seemingly less threatening of these) clingy. I didn't think I was clingy until I admitted to myself that I am most comfortable doing what I love in life, when I have love in my life. I tell you... it's hard to focus when you don't know where your man is. But when you feel supported and loved, there's nothing you can't handle

Written by Alex Russell

One of the biggest things I've learned (and continue to learn) on my journey building my own business is ...Work-life balance...😱

Wait is there such a thing?! 😂😂 it exists! Promise!!

When I started coaching I had a hard time putting down my phone 📱 and computer 💻 and was deep into learning all the ways I could be better and build a better business. Now, there is definitely nothing wrong with that buuut there was a problem: I was leaving my number one out! I let work take over and personal time was few and far between.

by ELLA

Ideally, I would like to start my days by moving when I want to move. Unfortunately for my boss, I do that now. I still do everything I need to so - sometimes more - but I hate to be so easily accessible to people. The more you do to prove your worth, without expecting anything in return, the more they get used to it. They think they've earned it. I want to find a way to make each of my actions profitable. Sounds far-fetched? Entitled, maybe? Zuckerberg became a billionaire at age 23. I just feel like thinking any other way will cost me and... I have bills,  I know you know. I suppose I'll always have bills and hopefully more bills (because I need a bigger place) but I want to make enough to make my bills go away then combat my greed and help the needy. 

Written by @PresidentElla

      I had the loveliest time shooting with the JT Gaze wearing Wear The Paint  clothing. If you've learned anything about me yet, you know that I really just do whatever I want, so long as it makes me smile -- a photo shoot on Governor's Island felt perfect. Simple days teach me the most. I do just what I wanna do because I find lessons in my every activity. I like to throw myself into the world to experience people, places, and anything else the world wants to show me. When I go to these photo shoots, people like to ask "how long" I've been modeling, but the real ting I focus on is why: I meet some of the most beautiful people - inside and out. I'm not a great model by any means, but I kow that Jay likes to invite me along for two reasons -- I do what I can, and I bring positive energy. From a selfish perspective that benefits everyone else -- it gives me great photos (that aren't selfies) to share with you all ;) 

Written by @PresidentElla

"I can't wait to have kids," he told me as I sat trying to dry myself from a water balloon fight that could make me step mom of the year, if that's the title I wanted. "I can," I responded. "Not for you? ," he asked. I quickly and quietly mentioned time, finances and patience - the things they say love can conquer until the rent is due but you have to take a day off of work because your child has been acting out, again because his dad isn't around  or able to pick him up from school or pay for private education. I know I jump off into the deep end but, let's face it: Shit happens, often. 

Written by @PresidentElla

If there is one thing that gives me a hard time in a relationship… it’s my own mind. The worst, most testing question is “What is a relationship, really?” What role do I play? What role does he play? What are my expectations and are those expectations justified? Do I think Im greater than I actually am, or does he need to step his game up?  We see ourselves as such beautiful reflections, but that vision is skewed in the eyes of others. Am I as great as I think I am?